I thought this was a great essay. Well argued, clearly written and engaging. On the flip side though it’s honestly pretty sad and upsetting that these things aren’t self evident, or that guys are taught, both implicitly and explicitly, that they ARE the Chofetz Chaim. I’m happy we have your voice and the others making these points, but it speaks to the sorry state of yeshivas, rebbeim and the frum world that we suddenly need to figure out how to live as normal humans. This was not a problem Klal Yisroel faced until pretty recently
"I experienced this firsthand. I made real mistakes early in my marriage that stemmed from this kind of thinking, and it took time to shift out of it, even once I was already in kollel." - along similar lines, I was surprised when one of my rebbeim told me not to go back to learning night seder in yeshiva for a length of time after getting married; he explained that i need to make sure my wife knows i'm happy spending time with her so she interprets it as running to seder rather than running from her.
What a refreshing, feet‑on‑the‑ground post. You put your finger on something so real about the way stories of Gedolim are sometimes told. We should strive to learn from them -- but not crush ourselves with unrealistic, self‑imposed expectations. Hashem wants us to grow, not to hurt our lives in the process. Beautifully said.
No, I never experienced any such problems. Born in Brooklyn, made Aliya at age 13, learned in Itri, Merkaz Harav, and Merkaz HaTorah, followed by a 40-year career as a Software Engineer, I've always had a healthy, open-minded approach to Yiddishkeit. I'm a believer in Torah Im Derech Eretz (I'm not Yekke!), and agree with everything you said about work and Shemirat HaMitzvot.
The words of Rav Chaim Brisker have always resonated in me: Why doesn't a frum businessman have to repeat Birkat HaTorah when sitting down to learn after a day's work -- isn't work a Hefsek? His answer: If you conduct your business according to the Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat, there has been no Hesfek at all.
I thought this was a great essay. Well argued, clearly written and engaging. On the flip side though it’s honestly pretty sad and upsetting that these things aren’t self evident, or that guys are taught, both implicitly and explicitly, that they ARE the Chofetz Chaim. I’m happy we have your voice and the others making these points, but it speaks to the sorry state of yeshivas, rebbeim and the frum world that we suddenly need to figure out how to live as normal humans. This was not a problem Klal Yisroel faced until pretty recently
"I experienced this firsthand. I made real mistakes early in my marriage that stemmed from this kind of thinking, and it took time to shift out of it, even once I was already in kollel." - along similar lines, I was surprised when one of my rebbeim told me not to go back to learning night seder in yeshiva for a length of time after getting married; he explained that i need to make sure my wife knows i'm happy spending time with her so she interprets it as running to seder rather than running from her.
Yaakov,
What a refreshing, feet‑on‑the‑ground post. You put your finger on something so real about the way stories of Gedolim are sometimes told. We should strive to learn from them -- but not crush ourselves with unrealistic, self‑imposed expectations. Hashem wants us to grow, not to hurt our lives in the process. Beautifully said.
Moshe Rubin thank you! Have you had specific challenges that stemmed from this attitude?
Hi Yaakov,
No, I never experienced any such problems. Born in Brooklyn, made Aliya at age 13, learned in Itri, Merkaz Harav, and Merkaz HaTorah, followed by a 40-year career as a Software Engineer, I've always had a healthy, open-minded approach to Yiddishkeit. I'm a believer in Torah Im Derech Eretz (I'm not Yekke!), and agree with everything you said about work and Shemirat HaMitzvot.
The words of Rav Chaim Brisker have always resonated in me: Why doesn't a frum businessman have to repeat Birkat HaTorah when sitting down to learn after a day's work -- isn't work a Hefsek? His answer: If you conduct your business according to the Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat, there has been no Hesfek at all.
Wishing you a Shana Tova!
Moshe
Sounds like you might have something interesting to contribute to this series on the TIDE substack - interested?
https://tide613.substack.com/t/origin-story