Are You Past Your Peak?

A Machlokes in Bnei Brak Sparked My Search for Meaning

I was asked to speak to the Machon Lev Overseas Program last shabbos. This is what I said:

Bnei Brak, Summer of 2014

In the summer of 2014, I spent a Shabbos in Bnei Brak. I was in my first year of Hesder at Kerem B’Yavneh, and I tagged along with the bnei chutz la’aretz for that Shabbaton. At one of the meals, a local Rav was invited to share Divrei Torah. He spoke about the centrality of Talmud Torah, encouraging everyone to make the most of their years in the Beit Midrash. He looked around the room, filled with sincere guys between the ages of 18 and 20, and said: “These years, when you are exclusively focused and completely dedicated to your learning, this is the climax of your life!”

The Rav from Bnei Brak finished up, said good Shabbos, returned to his home, and the seudah continued. Later in the seudah, one of the KBY rabbis got up to speak. He said that he respectfully disagreed with the guest speaker. A person is constantly supposed to be growing, and it would be a terrible shame if the rest of our lives were to become one long regression from our yeshiva peak.

This episode left a deep impact on me. I was torn because I could identify with both sides. On the one hand, for someone like me who fell in love with learning, there is nothing that compares to those days, nights and weekends of uninterrupted learning. On the other hand, it certainly doesn’t make sense that the climax of our life could come so early.

In retrospect, this incident is one of the defining moments that led me to start Shtark Tank. When the time came for me to leave yeshiva (it took a decade), the voices of these two rabbis wouldn’t leave my head. Shtark Tank is my quest to gain some level of clarity on this, and other big questions for Bnei Torah who have left Yeshiva to pursue a career

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Through my conversations on the podcast, as well as my own learning and writing, I have developed a few possible approaches to that machlokes in Bnei Brak. In this post, I will share a number of ideas that connect to one larger theme. And it starts with one of my favorite ideas related to Matan Torah.

Torah as a Way of Life

One of the reasons for the custom of staying up all night on Shavuos is a strange Midrash. The Midrash says that Moshe had to wake up the Jewish people to receive the Torah. This is puzzling. With hundreds of thousands of Jewish weddings taking place every year, it would be shocking if even one or two brides needed a wakeup call on their special day. With such buzz and excitement, the problem is usually the opposite: not being able to sleep. So how could it be that on a historic day of revelation, the entire nation slept in?

Rav Shimon Schwab explains that Moshe Rabbeinu was not serving as an alarm clock. Rather, he came to correct a fundamental mistake the Jews had made. Rav Schwab explains that when Moshe told the Jews they were going to hear directly from God, they assumed this meant prophecy. And the way prophecy is received is when the prophet is not conscious. So the entire nation got into their pajamas, said hamapil, and went to sleep. But this was a mistake. Torah is not the same as nevuah, and Torah cannot be learned while sleeping (although many attendees of shiurim and drashos may beg to differ).

This is not a technical difference in the way Dvar Hashem is transmitted. Rather, it reflects a fundamental understanding of what Torah is all about. Torah is not just a book we learn, but a way of life. The fact that we were awake when receiving the Torah is an indicator that Torah is not meant to draw us away from the realities of day-to-day life.

This dynamic is precious. Many religions believe that the only way to live a spiritual existence in this material world is to withdraw as much as possible. Torah offers an entirely different framework, where our lives on this earth are filled with meaning and connection to Hashem.

Consistency of Change

If Torah is a way of life, there is something about this world that is quite obvious, but needs to be stated. The only thing that is consistent is change. Technology is one clear example of how dynamic our world is. But there are many other ways we see this. The weather was cold a few weeks ago, and in a few weeks it will be hot. Our physical bodies are also changing, so much so that my children and I need to see different doctors.

So if Torah is a way of life, and life is dynamic, then our relationship with Torah must also be dynamic. I worded that last line carefully. One of the Rambam’s 13 principles is that the Torah does not change. But the Torah is structured in a way where we have constant values, with very different expressions of how those values look from day to day. (This is also how Torah has survived thousands of years and various exiles on different continents.)

Chapters of a Book

Now let us return to the story in Bnei Brak. Based on the framework above, I prefer to think of the transitions of life like a book with multiple chapters. Each chapter has three defining features. First, each section shapes the hero, making him into a bigger, better person. Second, each chapter is unique, with its own themes and subplots. Third, and most importantly, each chapter is loaded with opportunities to fulfill our mission on this earth and grow closer to Hashem.

This is where I disagree with both of the rabbis in Bnei Brak. They were both placing our entire lives on one linear chart. I think that life is too complex and nuanced for such a framework. Thinking of different life stages as chapters in a book allows us to appreciate different periods on their own terms, while keeping in mind the bigger picture and overarching themes of our entire life.

Opportunities of the Working Chapter

This brings me to another question which has been a central theme of Shtark Tank. What are the opportunities for Torah living while also growing your career? The challenges are clear. We are so busy with seemingly mundane activities that between work and family we have very little time and energy left for Torah, tefilla, and other spiritual pursuits. So how do we flip the script and find opportunities to serve Hashem during this part of our life?

Even though at first glance the question seems daunting, the truth is that there are golden opportunities everywhere. I will lay out just a few in the coming sections.

Shabbos

Shabbos is one of the staples of our religion. Most of the people reading this have experienced Shabbos once every seven days from their birth until today. And yet, our relationship with Shabbos takes on new dimensions when we start to work for a living. What does it mean to “do your work for six days and the seventh is for God”? What does it mean to “remember” Shabbos every day of the week? How do we understand the difference between kodesh and chol, and why do we add to the kodesh from the chol (mosifim mechol al hakodesh)? What is menucha, and does it align with the Western notion of rest and relaxation? What is Havdalah, and why is one who makes Havdalah promised male children?

These are just a few questions that one can gain a new perspective on. Sure, when we put away our notebooks and get dressed up for Shabbos in yeshiva, it’s a special experience. But there is a unique opportunity to appreciate Shabbos and connect to its values when we arrive after six days of hard work.

Kiddush Hashem

The second mitzvah and value with great potential in the working world is Kiddush Hashem. In yeshiva, this is expressed through nice behavior on a bein hazmanim tiyul. At work, it’s all day, every day. There are non-Jews, secular Jews, and other types of Jews. The volume of interactions is immense. And the situations can be infinitely complex. There can be various stakeholders in any given situation, all with different goals and expectations. On top of that, money, sometimes big money, is on the line. Making a kiddush Hashem in these situations can be very challenging, but there is a corresponding reward. God knows our challenges and judges us accordingly, and the people around us usually appreciate the character expressed under adverse conditions.

Yishuv HaOlam

Another mitzvah uniquely accessible to professionals is Yishuv HaOlam. One of the reasons a gambler cannot be a witness is that he is not a productive contribution to society. The Rambam (Peirush Hamishna, Sanhedrin 3:3) says that all worthwhile pursuits in this world fall into one of two categories: learning Torah and spirituality, and Yishuv HaOlam. The Kolbo (Siman 60) writes that one is not supposed to work on Chol HaMoed in order to do more learning. But if he is taking off to do trips and activities, it would be better for him to work and be productive.

Is there a source in the Written Torah for this value? I think it is rooted in the mitzvah of peru u’revu. Our responsibility is not just to populate the world with more humans, but also to create the world that will allow them to thrive. Developing the economy is critical for the wellbeing of our children and future generations. (See also Rashi Yevamos 62a)

In the modern economy it can be hard to feel satisfied at work. There are a number of reasons for this. Being one individual at a large corporation can make an employee feel small. Working in a B2B space where it is hard to see the effect of your work on real people is also a challenge. But the fundamental equation has been true from the time of Adam until today. Contributing to the economy is part of what keeps the world going, for us, our children, and generations to come.

Talmud Torah Opportunities

The section above presented just a few of the mitzvos and Torah values which can be embraced and fully appreciated during the working chapter of our life. But what about Talmud Torah? It is certainly one of the central mitzvos, and yet it can seem daunting to grow in our learning when we are so busy with work and family.

Here too, I think it is important to look for unique opportunities. Maybe this deserves a full post, but for now I will briefly point out a few ways a person’s learning can be significantly improved.

The first is that learning as a baal habayis forces you to find a deep personal connection and true satisfaction in your learning. Otherwise, it’s just not going to work. Another aspect is learning with your children and paying their tuition. This is one of the most important aspects of Talmud Torah, since this is what the pasuk actually instructs us to do.

And finally, there are many parts of Torah pertaining to work, business, and other professional fields which can be understood a lot better while working. For example, there is a disagreement amongst business leaders about the importance of loving your work. Steve Jobs was a major proponent of finding meaning, purpose, and passion in your job. Scott Galloway says to make money doing what you’re good at, and do what you love on the weekends. What does the Torah have to say about this?

There are actually a number of sources that point in different directions. One Mishna in Avot says to love your work. A different Mishna says to minimize your work as much as possible. These mishnayos seem to echo the same debate we see amongst modern business leaders. (Will hopefully dive in to this more in a future post.)

Afterword

That Shabbos seudah in Bnei Brak led me on a journey which is still ongoing. I am still trying to find my place in life after leaving yeshiva nearly two years ago. My years in the Beit Midrash shaped my worldview, but I think it’s important to treat that foundation as a starting point, not a finished product. Yeshiva guys are young, and it’s easy to get excited about simple ideas. These simple ideas resonate in the sheltered atmosphere of the Beit Midrash. But life afterwards is not so clear-cut, and nuanced frameworks can be helpful in understanding how to serve Hashem at each stage.